the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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