Me too!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
