Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
