I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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