Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
another moral hangover. fuck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
