Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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