what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
