Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
