He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
