if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
