her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
