Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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