Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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