Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
