I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How naked do you want me to be?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
