so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
