and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I believe in your delicious
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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