just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize