You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
