He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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