Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can you bring me the toilet please
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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