u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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