My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
