It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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