dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
