I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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