This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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