i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
