Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
