i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
