Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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