Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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