Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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