yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
