Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
