Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need a burrito and a hug.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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