the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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