you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
