i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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