just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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