the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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