**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
