I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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