do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
