Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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