After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You were trust falling into bushes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
