Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
