Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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