Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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