if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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