i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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