I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
