I'm so fucking centered right now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
