i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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