He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
