I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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