pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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