Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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