you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
