dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
