new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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