I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize