i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
