Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
