Where did you get a picture of my penis
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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