Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
