I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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