I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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