So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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