I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
