You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
