fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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