who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Randomize
