Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
