i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
a search helicopter?!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
