then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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