We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
