Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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