When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
